These days where it seems that options and mobility not only abound but are considered the “norm” and even a “necessity,” it struck me as a bit odd last week when my husband began discussing with me the possibility of updating my laptop to a desktop.
I had been sharing with Ivan how a BIG priority for me this year has become to figure out how to really be in more regular contact with my surviving family — my mom, dad, sister (who is getting married in 2 weeks!), and older brother — and that I was realizing I needed his help and desired for him to partner with me in this. I have been desiring more and more in the past couple years to figure out how I can just have more regular contact with my family, how we can be more integrated in each others’ lives. Because while there has never been any doubt in my mind or heart how much we care about and love one another even after (or perhaps because of) all we have been through as a family over the years, we have never quite mastered the art of being in touch on a regular basis. And with our youngest brother passing away so suddenly in April, I have been sensing a greater urgency to MAKE this sentiment become reality sooner rather than later…to be more prioritizing, proactive and intentional…
So here is how our conversation ended up in my laptop becoming replaced with a desktop.
One of the things my older brother has always enjoyed as a recreational hobby is playing computer games, and this was something that he had kept up with my younger brother over the years, as so many games are now internet-based, meaning they could play together even while one resided in California and the other in Ohio. There was one year when I even ventured into the gaming world and tried out Word of Warcraft, and was able to play with my brothers (I could set my character to automatically “follow” theirs while they would travel to different areas of the game, as I took breaks to nurse my second baby at the time).
And so an idea that my husband had for connecting with my brother (and for us to pick up an activity we could all do together) was that we could start playing computer games together every so often (as we are all busy parents now…so on a similar schedule).
The issue came up then that my laptop would not be “good enough” for playing any of the games that are made today (that they would want to play, anyhow), but that maybe this could be a good opportunity to update my laptop.
When he had purchased it for me before, one of my issues with it was that it was a “bigger” size (I think 17″?) as opposed to more portable/lighter laptops that fit in regular laptop bags. He picked it because he had a bigger, better screen, more ideal for us to use it for watching movies. Which was true. Except my idea of a good laptop had always been and still was one that I could easily take with me to coffee shops to write, and if it could be “pretty,” then that would be a nice bonus (to which my husband would roll his eyes). But since I wasn’t a student or doing anything work-wise at the time that actually required me to be writing anymore, I relented to my more technologically savvy and in-the-know husband’s opinion of what was best for “us” at the time.
So we talked about how I could finally get a smaller more portable laptop if I wanted — only it being “smaller” would not necessarily be ideal for gaming. But it would still be better than my current laptop for gaming because newer models I guess are always faster and have more space etc. But a laptop that is suitable for gaming is also on the much more expensive side, in which case he then suggested it might be more worthwhile to just invest in a really good desktop, which would perform better and last longer…
He assured me it was up to me though. It just depended on whether or not it was still more important to me to have portability: Was it still important to me to have a laptop, or would a desktop be better?
At first I found this to be a really odd question. Like, seriously, people like me (in contrast to business people or programmers etc. who need serious computers to do jobs laptops just weren’t meant to handle) still even consider buying desktops over laptops these days?
I realized I had unconsciously taken such things as mobility and portability and all the flexibility and options that come with it (I could work in my office, or the kitchen, or my patio, or a coffee shop etc. etc ) for granted as the utmost unquestionable ideals made so widely available now these days, as to me every smartphone is like a power-house computer in the palm of all of our hands.
This made me reflect on what the unspoken trade-off and costs can be for mobility–not just as it relates to computers, but in more significant things like relationships and work as well. It really isn’t as straightforward as portability and the options afforded by mobility are always better than having something that stays put and isn’t designed to really “go anywhere.”
There are benefits of having something more grounded, even if that means staying put in one spot. Sometimes the benefits of being able to build something bigger, more stable, more solid…can be a good thing, a better thing even, than having all the freedom in the world to move around, to pick up and go at will. Especially if/when I’m ready to settle down, when I’m ready to say I actually prefer that.
So I had to really think about what I wanted this time around — what I needed and wanted most.
While I still enjoy visiting Starbucks for a coffee and a chance to sit child-free to read and journal, I find that ever since setting up my home office that has become the place I most prefer to be to do any “work” on my computer, because all of my things are there (my books, paper, calendar, music etc.) and there is no need to “pack up and go” whenever I have to go and do something else.
At home, having the option to move my laptop to the kitchen or patio seemed advantageous to “follow” my children around, but I am realizing now more and more these days, I find myself wanting to separate my time spent with my children from time that I am trying to do “work” on my computer, so that I can be more present to my children when I am with them (as well as more present and focused on my work when I am working too).
And so, while it will definitely be an adjustment, I realized that as far as my computer is concerned, I am ready to become grounded, which my husband just walked by and exclaimed that really, it’s more like I’m being “upgraded.”
As I finish up typing this on my new desktop, I am happy to say I agree.