So, I have returned now from our first vacation as a family of 5 + Grandma. A week filled with “firsts” for my 16 month old son, Trevor — first plane rides, first time swimming in a pool, first time sleeping and “living” somewhere other than home, and really first time staying out so long and late so many days in a row =). Happily, he was a pretty happy camper most of the time (note to self, always have a solid plan for making sure I have access to milk when he is nearing nap times).
For Trevor, as well as for my 2 girls, this was also their very first time at Disneyland, that place that is called the happiest place on earth (especially for kids). (It was actually my first time in Disneyland as well, if you don’t count Disney World.)
I actually enjoyed this vacation, although I had been nervous and at least on the brink of anxious about having so many “firsts” with my baby boy, and also for the girls. I was confronted by the remnants of poverty spirit in me and thinking about the costs of Disney and eating out, and wanting really badly to make the most of the trip and feel at the end of the day that it was worth the “trouble” (of traveling as a mom with 3 young children) and expense.
Thankfully, for the most part I was able to realize that when I was letting myself “worry” so much about needing this vacation to go well that it made me increasingly short-tempered whenever some mishap (big or small) seemed to threaten the magical vacation I envisioned, that my worry and stressing out was actually what most threatened to ruin the experience for my family, and especially my girls.
I am also extremely thankful for my incredibly patient and quick-to-forgive husband and mother-in-law, and two of my closest friends who took time out of their crazy busy lives to drive to Anaheim and spend time with me and my family at Disneyland etc. helping to make the vacation extra special for the girls (and for me!).
I grew up always being anxious about traveling with family because regardless of what fun sights we were seeing or rides we got to experience, what would always stand out to me is the inevitable fighting and tension and anger that used to characterize my parents’ relationship, especially in our growing up years (their generation and those ahead of them didn’t have all the tools we have today for understanding and improving communication, counseling and inner healing etc.). I remember that by my teens, I would sometimes still agree to travel with my family out of duty, but no destination ever really appealed enough to me to make me think it would be “worth” enduring the inevitable fighting and stress.
I think at least I am able to understand more now how difficult it can be to travel as a family with children, especially if there are any strongholds of stress about finances (or more accurately, the management of finances) for either or both parents. With children, costs are multiplied (no longer just 2 tickets per flight or activity, or 2 entrees per meal…and 1 bed no longer suffices…), and schedules and capacities for activity are all but predictable or easily coordinated, and control of so many factors that used to be so much simpler is just no longer possible.
I learned that I really had to let go of control and “performance,” not having my happiness depending on or tied in any way to the smoothness outcome of each moment and day…
I also learned that I had to really be able to prioritize — that “getting my money’s worth” from a ticket to the park did not equal riding 10 rides like it might have in the past…but was significantly pared down (to like no more than 3-4 “must” activities outside of meals, which are no longer optional nor quick ordeals).
More than the cutting back quantity on the “to-do” list, I think I realized what I needed to do was change my “to-do” list altogether. I realized that I needed to have different priorities at the top that had more to do with experiencing quality time together as a family (and with friends I want the kids to get to know as family even though we don’t live close to each other), and trying to maximize the amounts of smiles and laughter and joy for the kids (which, of course, is now the real source of the most smiles, laughter and joy for the adults too, as we really have all already had more than enough amusement park rides to be that excited about them anymore).
There were of course quite a number of other significant things that happened and/or that went through my mind from the trip (watching my girls experience their first 2 days at Disneyland, getting to spend family time with my first friend ever as well as one of my best friends from university, and ending the trip with driving up to the big LeaderShift conference at HRock Church to witness our senior pastor and his wife get officially commissioned as Apostles within the HIM network our Church is a part of) and surrounding the trip (circumstances of dear friends of ours that set the trip up on a different course than originally planned…as well as different news events both personal and public), that I want to try to take some time to reflect on and share… so I will take my time over the next week or so to share more =)