Happy New Year’s Day Everyone, and welcome to 2017!
This past year I really did not write very much at all, but rather, let it be a year of really putting myself “out there” in my increasingly full local life, and seeing what God can do with and through me when surrendered ever more fully to Him, following after and desiring to receive all that He might want to give and do through me… Really, it has been more a year of preparation than the actual doing, but I feel more “set up” than ever.
I’m feeling much less overwhelmed these days, come what may (although I do still have my moments, I have stopped prolonging my “moments” by having moments about my moments, etc. etc., and instead am quicker to go into, “what do I need to do? what can I do about it?” mode).
And as a result, I’m much more truly excited to see all the new adventures, challenges and breakthroughs that may unfold in 2017 (no need to jump in eyes shut…but ready to jump in eyes wide open)!
Before setting off to prep the family for our New Year’s Day Service, I would like to quickly share 5 highlights to capture God’s work in my life and heart in 2016:
(1) My 2016 word: IMPACT. Desiring to increase my impact was my mantra for 2016 — and it was a desire I found myself having to say “yes” to repeatedly, more adamantly, as I allowed myself to be “stretched” throughout 2016 to be able to consider and embrace and do more than what I have been accustomed to. Saying “yes” to impact has redefined how I view comfort, finances, stress and health, because all these things are now re-framed in the context of a higher purpose, rather than becoming focal-points or purposes of their own (which I think can easily become my default).
An unexpected big part of this year has been a revisiting of various personality tests (some new, some old), examining leadership styles and preferences, strengths and weaknesses, and attempting to define more specifically what giftings God has put in me which could stand to be “fanned into flame” for both my sake and for the impact I can have on my community. This is a part of what our Senior Pastor is currently studying with leadership development, so he has decided to work with each of us on staff to figure out how to develop our roles in a way that capitalizes on our unique “design.” I am pretty excited to see what this will look like in the new year, as I am being given permission within my role to hone in more on my passion for tackling things like depression and anxiety and loneliness more head-on. At the same time, I am a tad scared and nervous too, to be exploring possibilities and dreams that feel a lot more like risking because they are so significant to me…but I take that as a good sign that I’m moving in the right direction.
As setting out to become a person of impact ended up requiring so much preparation of me personally throughout 2016, I think it will remain my word for 2017: Impact, Part II, Stage II?. (Quite possibly, it will require a Part III as well…).
(2) Becoming a Team-player. Starting off the year reading “Safe People” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, I found myself examining my tendencies to “go it alone.” I have always been more of an independent worker–although I thrive knowing I’m working independently among other independent workers, my “typical” is to focus on what I need to be doing on my own. My husband likes to say sometimes (half-jokingly, I think?) that I should learn to play a team sport… to which I used to object that I did participate in team sports: swimming, track and cross country. As I evaluated though, I realized that all these sports involve playing alongside others, but when it comes to “performing” it’s really all on my own. No need for a catcher if I’m a thrower, or for the reverse. No need for someone to block for me, or someone to step in for me when I’ve run out of steam.
To grow as a team-player in my marriage has meant learning to own and identify my needs, enough so such that I can actually communicate them to my husband in a way that he (who simply cannot fully empathize with what it’s like to be in my body and my mind) can understand and respond. To grow as a team-player in my work has required significant efforts to continuously improve my communication skills (both getting messages across and receiving them accurately!), and growing in humility, patience with the process, and trust in others.
For someone who has always felt fairly competent in relating to and working with others, 2016 has been an eye-opener to my many weaknesses that need to shored up before I can truly be a team-player. The more I’m learning and growing in this area, however, the more I’m actually able to enjoy and appreciate getting to do things together — with my husband, and with my teams at work! — and the bigger my vision seems able to grow because when you’ve got more than one person working in unison, then the possibilities grow exponentially. It’s definitely not always easier, but I am stronger than ever in my convictions that it’s definitely always worth the necessary extra thought, effort and investment!
(3) Exercise and Strength training: Working full-time on top of taking care of my 3 children (with help from Grandma for the first 10 months, thankfully!) meant I could no longer “just get by” physically, as has been the case for the last several years of my life. I found that exercising regularly to be crucial for having energy to sustain me. In September, I was finally convinced of the importance of strength training — and have been exploring what it looks like (or could look like), if I get myself on a regular strength training routine–my muscles can actually grow! Or rather, my body can actually become stronger, and physically able to “carry” more–not only literal physical weights, but more “everything” pretty much in life! Perhaps this is pretty obvious stuff…but it is surprisingly new to me, as I have signed up for my first gym membership and done my first set of squats and planks ever in 2016. My plan for 2017? Don’t have a solid goal or plan yet, except to keep at it, build in some regularity, and set some goals and plans for the rest of the year by mid-year (June/July)…
(4) Joy habits & hobbies: In June, I chose a hobby of “fish-keeping” to try out (which has actually managed to stick so far)–I have a 29-gallon tank with my community of fish who have been able to survive my learning phase, my original 10-gallon tank which is currently populated by several guppy babies & a few molly babies, and a small betta fish tank currently looked after by my 9-year-old daughter. I am learning the importance of making space for “joy habits” and “hobbies” that are really “just because” I feel like trying something, so that life never becomes “all work and no play.” Doesn’t have to be big things, but has to originate from desires of your heart…it’s like strength training for my heart, in terms of happiness and passion for life. Also, I am finding that talking about hobbies and anything that brings us joy makes for great light-hearted yet connecting conversations with people–always a big plus for me!
(5) Creating home: Those of you who know me (or have followed my blog for awhile) will be aware that I had my mother-in-law living with us for the past several years. Without her, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to consider taking on full-time (or even part-time?) work with my youngest still half a year away from Kindergarten. I am forever grateful for the flexibility she provided us in terms of going out in the evenings, and especially not needing to worry for the most part about cooking meals, or even washing most of the dishes. She has officially moved out, however, in mid-November this year (thankfully nearby so she’s still around), so the last two months became a season of big transitions in my home. I am now officially in charge of home-making (with a very helpful husband!), meaning a lot more work for us that we are still adjusting to (now all of the cooking, grocery shopping, dish washing, laundry and cleaning is up to us! previously, we still did a lot, but whatever we couldn’t get to would often magically get taken care of by my mother-in-law).
However, it also means the atmosphere, and how the “space” is set up, both physically and emotionally, is now also all up to us. This aspect is something I have been very excited about, although I also feel a bit inadequate and inexperienced — but I feel empowered to think through furniture and other home purchases, and arranging or rearranging rooms so another “space” in the home has become usable for bonding and hospitality, or resting and reading and puzzles, etc.
I’m also realizing more and more in a new way that some days — well, most days — not everything that seemingly needs to get done actually can get done without loss of sleep or sanity…and so really, not everything that seemingly needs to get done actually needs to get done. I’m learning to make decisions about this, when to let go, but also when I just really would prefer to do a little more before letting go…
Creating and maintaining my home is an ongoing, work-in-progress. And really, as long as I’m wanting to live as full a life as possible, it — and life itself — will always remain a work-in-progress. More than just a task of caring for my physical home, there is the continual bigger and more significant task of caring for my heart — the seat of my capacity to “create home” (or lack thereof) wherever it is God may take me.