“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:4-7, NIV)
On Easter Sunday 2 weeks ago, I had one too many things in my hand as I was climbing into my husband’s recently purchased (and therefore still babied) car to sit in between my two girls in their booster seats, including a travel mug with coffee for the drive.
As can reasonably be expected given that scenario, the coffee spilled despite the lid (its spout isn’t the covered kind)- some on my pants, which were white because I had chosen to go with a lighter palette in honor of the “light” that Easter Sunday represents for me and humanity… and some also some on my husband’s leather seats.
Now, it’s not as if I hadn’t been in this kind of situation before (it’s all too common when generally driving around town with 3 youngish kids), but it was a day where I had kinda expected and hoped things would all run smoothly.
And given the thought I had put behind my outfit with white pants, having coffee spill all over them, as well as the first “spill” I was aware of happening on my husband’s new car seats right in front of his eyes, panic and frustration and even a tinge of anger at being “put” in this situation of panic and frustration and what felt in that moment like such a disastrous failure of a way to start what I saw as a very important day…
All to unfortunately I am well aware that this was written all over my face, in front of my husband, and in front of my two girls.
Thankfully, my husband didn’t default to making a fuss over the coffee on his leather seats (generally he is much more level-headed than that), but rather a helpful reminder to me that “you can just change your pants, we have time”…and thankfully that was enough to snap me out of my momentary adult-version of an almost tantrum/meltdown over spilled coffee…
My mood didn’t instantly improve, but at least I knew what I had to do and had enough sense about me to go about doing it. I went inside, changed to jeans which didn’t quite have the effect I had envisioned, but they always do the trick by matching pretty much every top I own. I then grabbed an Envirocloth, dampened it with water, and rejoined my family in the car after a quick (and effective) wipe-down of the spill. (At least I got to use one of my handy dandy super-microfiber-cleans-everything-with-water Envirocloth* to “save the day” =)!)
Olivia’s dress
Now the next morning (the kids were home from school for Easter Monday), six-year-old Olivia came down the stairs in a fancy party dress. Because I had plans to take them out later, hoping to end up at a playground to practice bike riding, I told her she needed to change. I’m pretty sure I didn’t say it meanly or harshly, but nevertheless, when she objected, I had to to be firm in reiterating my request (which really was an order), at which point she started balling her eyes out like it was the most tragic of things.
I tried to reason with her that I had plans to take them to a playground later, that my reason for asking her to change was actually for her, not against her…
I think she was still hung up on the fact that she didn’t really have a choice, and I would not allow her to begin the day without changing out of the dress she was so happy to be wearing.
She reluctantly went back up to her room for what seemed a really long time, and when I went to check on her, I found her still not dressed, crying her eyes out that she didn’t know what to wear. (We’ve had several conversations like this in the past few months, where she would mourn the fact that how come her sister never has to change her clothes, but she “always” has to change hers — it isn’t actually “always,” but this past winter Olivia had developed a strong preference for all her summer sundresses, even when it was snowing outside.)
I proceeded to explain that I would help her but she needed to calm down because things like needing to change her clothes did not have to be so tragic and stressful…
And then I remembered what I had just modeled to her the day before, and decided I owed it to her to help her calm down so that I could then help her choose a new outfit (versus my usual requiring my kids to calm themselves down before I am willing to engage)…before we proceeded back downstairs together to prepare for our fun day together.
Reflections
For both days, everything ended up good, and nothing was ruined.
As though spilled coffee, or the need to change our clothes for whatever reason, ever has the power to ruin a day, or even a morning, or even a moment.
Such things, which are bound to happen here and there, have power to “ruin” any portion of our lives only as much as we allow them to rattle us.
Only as much as we allow them to influence our perspective to give them power to affect us, to “ruin” our moods, to create panic, and/or to cause us to feel ashamed or somehow defective.
While it’s true, I could have had the foresight to see climbing over one of my girls to the middle seat with too many things in my hands and white pants on would lead to a spill, and therefore I could have set something down and/or handed my coffee cup to my husband to hold until I was seated…
The fact that I didn’t think through all of that and act accordingly, that I didn’t handle things perfectly, didn’t mean I needed to be ashamed of myself or berate myself, “What were you thinking?” or “What is wrong with you?”
It was a mistake, an accident, that happened, and I can take steps to fix what can be fixed and deal with whatever else needs to be dealt with. And then I can learn and be more mindful for all the next times to come.
Also, the disappointment of having to change my pants really is not such a big deal that I can’t just acknowledge my disappointment, mourn perhaps ten seconds, and then be on with making the most of the day ahead.
As for the seats, the fact that my husband actually cares about me more than even his brand new car leather seats (and if he didn’t ,he should because I am more important than a car…) should be enough assurance to me that spilling coffee on them won’t pose any real threat to our relationship or even to how he will see (or treat) me. True, he could understandably be upset for a moment, but he would be able to get over it, and he would be able to forgive me (even if the Envirocloth hadn’t been able to so quickly resolve the spill).
Conclusions
Besides spilled milk–or in my case, coffee–and the inconveniences that sometimes arise when we have to change our clothes for one reason or another, these past couple of weeks have highlighted a number of other “things” that I have been allowing more power than necessary (or warranted) to “ruin” my mood, my outlook on the day, my perspective on life itself…
For example, catching a cold, or one or more of the kids waking up with one symptom or another. (Last Tuesday, Olivia woke up on her birthday with a bleeding ear from an ear infection, for which she stayed home two days. Then my 2nd grader was home two days with a stomachache. Then over the weekend, my husband and Olivia came down with some kind of flu. And yesterday, Olivia’s fever came down but she became covered with spots, which we thankfully confirmed at a clinic to just be hives…)
Normally this kind of thing would have me in a panic (especially just thinking back to last November/December…), but I find myself remembering now not to over-react–to do what needs to and can be done, but to not make things worse by losing perspective.
Even when things don’t go as planned, or I don’t have as much time to work on my own things as I thought had (learning last year to strive to plan at 80% rather than 100-110% has definitely helped provide “room” to better accommodate this), there are always options to handle things in a way that make the best of things, that make the most of the day ahead.
Other examples of “things” in my life include when a toy, or an appliance, or plumbing, unexpectedly breaks (not that it’s ever yet “expected” in my world). Or when I have misplaced my just recently purchased sunglasses (which I had, but finally found them yesterday!)….or my keys. Or a meeting falls through and has to be rescheduled. Or even when a loved one falls ill and/or passes before we are ready (at the end of the day, we can’t ever actually be “ready” for this one–and this is definitely one “thing” that warrants a deeper mourning…).
It seems to me that on this side of Heaven, these are all simply part of what life entails, of what being fully alive and living a full life, relating to and loving people, and getting “busy” taking care of the business of living.
And while I don’t see ever liking these things as logical–I don’t think we are meant to be happy about such things–but I am finally starting to understand how much bigger and valuable and awesome LIFE is, in spite of these sorts of things being part of the mix.
Perhaps this is a pretty big jump–a lot of these thoughts and life happenings and reflections have all been floating around in my brain for some time now–but more and more I feel like God is challenging me to understand how each and every person, each and every day, each and every moment, and each and every breath–that there is a preciousness the all of them.
And the gift of free will He has given us, as part and partial to us being human beings, applies to how we choose to view, think upon, and treat each and every one of them as well.
We don’t get to choose necessarily everyone and everything that comes our way (we get to choose from what is presented before us to choose…but we are limited in our control over what gets presented in the first place).
But we do get to choose how we respond, what perspectives we take on and allow to shape our actions, what thoughts we focus on, what feelings we feed and allow to grow.
When we truly understand the preciousness of ourselves, of each breath we take, how we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”…and then of how each moment and day given to us as an awesome gift for us to enjoy and master and make the most of learning, growing, giving, loving and being loved…
…And how nothing can ever derail or change or take away from our preciousness, no matter what is happening around or to us at any given moment…
THIS I believe is our source of strength and hope to rise above such things and circumstances that otherwise cast doubt and sow anxiety.
*If you are curious about the Norwex Envirocloth or other products enabling you to quickly and effectively clean your home using just water, you can browse my Norwex website here or send me a message and I’ll be in touch! =)