My sister Sherry’s wedding finally took place last weekend in New Jersey, and was a truly magical beginning of what feels like a new chapter filling with possibilities of joy and hope and light again for me and my family since my brother’s passing.  (I’m very much hoping this is the case for my new brother-in-law Chris’s family as well, as his very dear grandmother entered the hospital the week of my Sherry’s bridal shower in May, passing away less than two weeks prior to their wedding day.)

I think in a way, besides personally grieving amidst juggling my own family and community life in Vancouver with the travelling and “work” that comes with having a loved one pass away, I have been holding my breath as well these past few months for the wedding.

I was just really hoping that somehow my parents, siblings and I (and then also Chris and his whole family) would manage to make it through okay, such that Sherry and Chris’s special once-in-a-lifetime day would not be affected negatively in any way — that it would somehow be able to be more and not in any way less than everything I had hoped so long for my sister…even in face of the surrounding circumstances, and my own feelings of fatigue and lack of focus that I knew hit my parents and siblings (and Chris and his family) even harder than myself…

Also, since having young children, travelling has not always been the easiest thing for me to manage or to look forward to.

But as I was determined to not want to ruin my sister’s big day with any of my “stresses” as a mom, and I also really truly wanted somehow to take advantage of and make the most of this time as a chance for my kids to bond with their grandparents, Uncle Allen, Aunt Sherry & new Uncle Chris, I made myself step back and gain some perspective on the task before me.

I realized that in past travelling experiences, and in daily life, having my children with me was really only ever truly overwhelming when I over-scheduled or over-burdened myself with other priorities that I would end up feeling like raising my children was somehow interfering with…  And then many times (too many times), this would lead me to feeling like a failure as a person and as a mom, causing more stress and insecurity issues, and really just leading to a viciously negative cycle that get me (and my kids) nowhere happy fast.

If I disciplined myself to keep extra things, outside of my family responsibilities and the few other commitments I could with some thought spread out here and there, off my to-do list at least for the meantime, then I knew that even if all the preparations and travelling were difficult, they still likely wouldn’t be anything I wouldn’t be able to manage. Especially with my husband helping me plan things out so that we would be set up to succeed even if there were a hiccup here and there (which is how my husband is very good at planning things when he knows what everyone, especially me, is concerned about and needing or wanting to address those concerns).

And so on my end, while I felt like I wasn’t really able to contribute much practically besides the small tasks of preparing my dress and shoes, as well as shopping for the girls’ flower girl dresses, accessories and shoes, and preparing my hair and makeup supplies to make me and the girls look decent for her photos, I feel like all the effort I was able to focus on being very intentional about preparing myself and the kids mentally and emotionally definitely paid off.

Because I was already most of the time relatively at peace and generally not over-stressed, I felt like I could really actually enjoy things and the time spent together with family and friends whenever it was time to go out.

On our way to New Jersey, Amethyst (my almost 7 year old) asked me, “Will it be fun there? Will it be a fun wedding?”  At first, I answered her, “Well, of course,” cause that’s the right thing to say and think.  But then after a bit of thought, I added, “It will be fun if you go and have fun…If everyone goes with the mindset of having fun, no matter what, then that is what will make the wedding and weekend fun.  If you choose to go with the mindset of having fun, then it will be fun, at the very least, for you.”  Not sure if my wording was over her head, but I think she got it.  At the same time, I think I was more speaking to myself, too.

Maybe I couldn’t be as engaged in deeper conversation as I would be able to if I didn’t have to help Trevor eat or stay entertained or walk around when it got past his bedtime and he got restless, but I realized that was okay because it was already all part of the plan.

Making the most of this weekend was more about just being together, and appreciating the hospitality and arrangements made on everyone’s part such that we all could be together for the different events throughout the weekend, and also just getting to celebrate the main reason we all had for making the trip out together, the fact that two awesome people had found one another and were getting married. =)

I think more than anything it was a joy to me to be able to watch not only my kids (especially the girls), but also my younger sister really enjoy the weekend events and all the little (and big) surprises it entailed (see below for a list of some of my favorites).

What was even more awesome was the fact that many of these surprises were thought out by, arranged and/or provided for by her now husband, Chris, and his family and friends (since Sherry lives two hours away and has been having to work long hours)… Every little detail to me was like a line in an extravagant love song he had written and was belting out for my sister, because everything was so exactly something that I knew would especially bring delight to her heart, that would make her heart jump and eyes light up.

It’s not that there weren’t also some minor mishaps (i.e. found out favors were cancelled two days before the wedding because the company went bankrupt, and the flowers were “all wrong”) and almost major setbacks (i.e. my parents almost didn’t make it to the Church for the wedding, and my sister almost fainted during the ceremony as a result of a 40 minute ride to the Church in a limo blowing out “hot” air conditioning).

But bottom line, I left the weekend with full confidence that my sister is really, really well-loved now, not only by her husband, but also the awesome community she is surrounded with family- and friends-wise (by the way, their bridal party consisted of 8 people on each side — and I thought my 7 was a big number…).

Sherry had her fairytale wedding that I’m pretty sure was filled with details that made it more than she could have ever dreamed of herself, and she and Chris are definitely set up to have their very real, better than fairytale, happily ever after that is more than able to account for and confidently navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life as well.

And I, and my family, my parents and my brother and his family, all get to be a part of it too =)

 

Some of my favorite details from the wedding:

(1) My sister’s beautiful “big” wedding dress, beautifully embellished blue heels, emerald jewelry (she got to borrow for the event), PLUS she chose to wear the tiara from my wedding ;

(2) The impromptu first-night dinner gathering at Sherry’s favorite Italian restaurant in Chris’ neighborhood, begun with free valet parking, complete with a nearby train Trevor enjoyed walking out to look for when he got restless;

(3) the fun, relaxing backyard bbq and pool party for the rehearsal dinner hosted by one of Chris’s groomsmen (the pool had a diving board all 3 kids had fun jumping off of, and there was a sauna and steam room, ping pong, and piano sing-along);

(4) the beautiful and huge mansion where Sherry and the bridesmaids stayed overnight, and where my girls and I went to join them in the morning to get ready for the wedding ceremony;

 

(5) the huge limo that the girls got to experience riding in (too bad about the air conditioning);

 

(6) the elaborate Eastern Orthodox Church and ceremony, complete with a crowning bit for Sherry (previously nicknamed queensheberry by her friends when she was younger) and Chris (sorry couldn’t find a photo with the crowns yet, but will upload when I do…);

 

(7) the beautiful garden behind their banquet venue, The Crystal Plaza, where wedding photos were taken, and where we could later walk around at leisure (I think the girls wanted to stay there);

 

(8) the appetizers served to guests prior to entering the banquet room that rivaled most buffet banquets, complete with ice sculptures;

(9) the beautiful banquet hall with awesome service especially for our kids;

 

(10) the surprise smoke that poured onto the dance floor when Chris lead Sherry onto it for their “first dance” to the Beauty and the Beast theme song;

(11) the dancing and energy that was maintained basically throughout the whole banquet, including lots of bridesmaids ready to lead my girls out onto the dancefloor while I watched over Trevor;

and (12) the Castle Wedding Cake (soooooo Sherry!) with Spiderman crawling out (sooooo Chris? You gotta ask them for the backstory…) which tasted as delicious as it was beautiful!