A friend of mine shared a post on her Facebook the other day: “Sometimes the little wins lead to bigger wins.”  To briefly summarize what I found to be an endearing example shared by the author, sometimes wanting to become a morning person–when you are notoriously grumpy and not in the best of moods when you need to get up early in the morning–can be as simple as (1) taking the time to pay closer attention to what is going on with yourself in the mornings, (2) noticing that you are “cold” in your house, especially in the mornings, and (3) making small tweaks to your wardrobe and increasing the temperature by 1 degree, and voila! you now actually enjoy getting up in the mornings!  I believe there were a few other extra steps as well….but basically her biggest realization was that she was feeling “cold in her house.”

As I’ve been reflecting these past couple days on what I want to do this year New Year’s Resolutions-wise, a couple points have really been on my heart, both highlighted in the above post.

(1) One Step at A Time

I believe it is important to remember when approaching any desire to change or grow or tweak something about ourselves or our lives, all things big and small happen one step at a time.

I have learned that whenever I set goals that feel “too big” or like “too much work” or in some way feel seemingly unobtainable or only obtainable by substantial self-sacrifice and suffering (which becomes a more complicated matter when any self-sacrificing inevitably affects loved ones like a spouse or children), if I let myself dwell on the “too much-ness” or the “overwhelmingness” of something, then I inevitably start feeling overwhelmed, which then almost always results in a state of highly counterproductive anxiety.

For someone who has struggled with depression for years on end in the past, it doesn’t actually take a lofty goal to set off this trend.  (When one is depressed to a degree of not enjoying or wanting to be alive, even getting out of bed or having to eat regularly can feel like an intolerably heavy burden.) Something simply has to feel too big or too much for me to handle at that moment for whatever reason.

I have learned, however, that pretty much every thing can be broken down into small baby steps, especially in the initial stages of any endeavor to grow, whether it is to change one’s eating habits, or sleep schedule, or exercise routine, or chasing after one’s life dreams…

Sometimes identifying these small baby steps may not be readily apparent, but I have always found that God is actually very interested in helping us whenever our goals are to become better versions of ourselves (when we’re seeking to make the most of what He created and most cherishes — us!).  And so, I have learned to expect that He can and will speak to us through revelation (when we pray…and learn how to listen and hear…), as well as through people and relationships in our lives (as an inherently relational Three-in-One God, He loves it when we are working together and collaborating to grow, in the same way a parent of two or more can’t help but smile when siblings are collaborating and helping one another).

My approach to resolutions this year will be about paying attention and looking for “little” steps and tweaks I can take, which don’t feel like big leaps so much as simply a “Yes! I do want to start moving in this or that direction…and this is something I can definitely start doing and commit to investing in…”  — to focus on the little things I can do, understanding that it’s these one-step-at-a-time’s that will lead me anywhere I may one day get to if I’m ever to get somewhere…

(2) The Heart of our Resolutions must be to take Care of our Hearts

Another big point that jumped out at me in reading the Facebook post was that when the lady realized she was cold in her house, she had to make a decision to care about how she felt, and because she chose to care, she then had a wonderful strategy to accomplish what had previously felt daunting and difficult and unpleasant.

Rather than caring about taking care of herself — her feelings, preferences, wants and needs — she could have decided in the name of energy- or money- conservation that extra heat and wardrobe additions were unnecessary luxuries that so many other more disciplined people out there are able to do without and yet still rise up early each morning… She could have begun feeling bad about her own undisciplined-ness, or her spoiled-ness tendencies, and gone the route of scolding herself to suck it up, perhaps even threatening that she better finally grow up this year or else she will not allow herself any emotional fun or rest until she finally masters this particular goal.

Totally unnecessary self-neglect and self-cruelty that has almost zero potential of working out well? I believe so.  Even if she were able to achieve her goal of waking up early without any temperature modifications or wardrobe additions, she likely would not be “happy” enough to truly celebrate her goal-achievement, because it was something she would have believed she should have mastered years ago anyhow. Furthermore, the likelihood of any newly formed habit to last long-term will be seriously hampered by the absence of any true happiness in the process and/or achievement.

I’ve concluded from last year that a priority in living my best life possible needs to be honestly and genuinely take care of my heart, in the deepest sense…that when I want to improve and grow and learn, my definition of “positive change” has to account for my own heart benefiting in positive ways as well.

These changes, and the process towards the changes, should “feel” good to me. By feeling good, this does not necessarily mean a short-term, temporary high — often habits that are reinforced by instant gratification are what we need to replace in the first place — but something more substantial, more “whole” and “lasting” and “really good”…

In addition, how we think about and speak to ourselves in the process is of utmost importance as well, and must reflect “care” and “love.”  In the same way that negative attacks, angry outrages, and even simple nagging rarely draws out the best in others (even if these methods of communication can sometimes get a particular goal accomplished, one would be hard pressed to say that was the best that could be done had better leadership or encouragement been present), it is logical to conclude that the same type of communication and treatment towards ourselves will similarly not be able to draw out the best in us.

And so, my focus this year for any resolutions or goals I set will be on “care” for myself and my life, which I understand now in a positive (rather than burdensome) light that I am personally responsible for stewarding.  I am going to choose to be faithful with my heart, which is foundational for being able to be truly faithful with my life.  I understand now that as I care for myself, then I will have “more” of me to give, and a “better” version of me to give at that.

As an example, for my personal exercise and diet resolutions this year, I have created a short, un-overwhelming (which is not the same as being under-whelming) list of 3 little tweaks for myself under an overarching category of “Body-Care” to begin with: (1) exercise regularly, working more on finding a routine that works for me and my schedule than forcing a routine based on calories or weight loss, (2) drink water, starting at 1 cup a day (for me, drinking water is the start of naturally decreasing my cravings for sweets and salt), and (3) take my multi-vitamin (and if I just don’t feel like it, at least take one of my kids’ gummy vitamins when they do).

Other categories I have included on my developing list include: “Beauty-Care,” “Home-care” (caring for my home and homemaking abilities), “Heart-care” (making time to do things that make me happy), “Mind-care” (making time to do things that keep my thinking clear and mind sharp), and “Destiny-care” (making time to care for, develop and work on things I feel called to do).

Closing Thoughts

Honestly, I am excited for this year ahead in a way unlike any other year that I have been alive so far   =)  I have great expectations and high hopes for it being a year of learning to just really enjoy life and making the most of each day, and sharing/building this as a foundation with my husband for our marriage and for our three children.

I believe that great things could happen too, along the way, but my peace comes from knowing that the journey itself will be a great thing, because I have finally learned to truly understand and believe that I am worth watching out for and taking care of along the way, simply because I am a person, fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and forever unconditionally loved and sought after by Him.  Or, as we like to say in our Church, we as people created by God, are created to be Sons and Daughters of God, who are valued and loved by Him for who we are, rather than for what we do.

Because I am valued and loved for who I am, not for what I do, I now know that ultimately I don’t need to stress myself out or be fearful of outcomes as a measure of “me” and my worth.

May we all learn and grow in this realization, that we are worth so much, just for being who we are, and that all our dreams and aspirations may grow and be realized “one step at a time,” from a place of uncompromising “care” for ourselves which we can then naturally extend to others and the world around!