As this has been a season of finally “planting things” that have been on my heart for several years (starting with my tulip and hyacinth bulbs), my latest “step” has been to plant a cherry blossom tree.
Every year when the cherry blossom trees begin to bloom, they capture my attention and my heart similarly, I think, to how cities and really the world all turn their attention for the month or so when these magnificent displays of flowers come out and display their beauty and glory for the world to behold.
And during this time of year, there has also been a longing in my heart to have a tree in my own front yard contributing to the beauty of the season…
However, there really was only one spot in a front yard where a tree could go without seeming out of place, and that spot was already occupied by a less show-y but equally valuable maple tree planted by the builders of the house. I felt guilty about not valuing my maple tree as much as the cherry blossom tree I longed to have in its place. Also, as I really didn’t understand what would be involved with removing or planting a tree, I had apprehensions about what cost might be associated with the process of removing and then planting a tree, and worries about what the fate of the maple tree might become as I knew I definitely didn’t want to destroy the maple tree.
As I randomly shared this thought I’d had about a cherry blossom tree with the same friend who helped me get my flower and gifted garlic bulbs planted in the ground, one day he asked if I was serious about the tree… When I said “yes, I think so,” with my apprehensions still floating around in my mind, he explained he was asking because he had a friend who was in need of a maple tree because one of her maple trees had just been sadly vandalized and destroyed by nightmare tenants…SO, if I was serious about wanting a cherry blossom tree instead (because he didn’t want to be pushing me to do something I wasn’t sure about doing), then he was offering to come with his friend to dig up and remove the maple tree for me, with the assurance that it would also find a warm welcome in a new home (versus having no where nice to go…).
Initially I was in a bit of shock because it was like God had just answered my random thoughts as though they were a prayer I had lifted up, and He had paid such attention that He responded to my every concern in detail! Needless to say, I felt so very loved and taken care of, and felt infused with courage to move forward in doing my part — looking into the process of picking and getting a cherry blossom tree…
Facing my Fears…
However, one thing I’ve come to know about myself over the years is that I really don’t like the feeling of not knowing what I’m doing, and because of this, I often have difficulty enjoying “new” things even when they’re supposed to be “fun,” because I have a fear of messing up and failing.
What fears came up that I would have to face and overcome with picking a cherry blossom tree?
First, there was the risk of somehow choosing the “wrong” cherry blossom tree, as in, I had an idea that I certainly preferred certain cherry blossom trees over others, but I wasn’t sure which was what type, and I also was worried about whether or not I’d be choosing the right tree for my house (what if it ended up clashing?). Then, there was the risk of looking or sounding stupid or clueless when I went shopping for my tree, or of not being able to make up my mind. What if my maple tree was removed, but then I never could figure out how to buy a cherry blossom tree, and then I would end up with no tree in my front yard (and possibly get in trouble with the city as well, for having removed a tree without permission because I planned but failed to replace it quickly enough)… Oh the trouble that could potentially be caused, that could all be avoided if I simply forgot about this idea in the first place. And then, even if all this somehow worked itself out, there would be the task of taking care of the tree, the results of which would be quite visible to all who pass by my house–what if the tree wilted and died? I haven’t had the best track record of keeping plants alive in the past, so…this was a legitimate, understandable possibility to consider.
As someone who has a lot of annoying and unhelpful feelings and fears like these come up through all different areas and scenarios of my life, I am thankfully also the type of person who doesn’t like to leave these types of feelings and fears unchallenged, confronted and conquered… And so, the best course for me was to just get started with the process, one step at a time, with faith that somehow things could/would/should work out, and that even if they didn’t, we’d be able to figure something out so I wouldn’t be left with a disaster.
…and Finding my Tree
I googled cherry blossom trees to try to learn a bit more about what kinds of trees are out there and which ones are the ones with the blooms I tend to admire most, and what kinds of things I should know and take into consideration in terms of planting and caring for them, and therefore which ones I should be choosing from (for myself, I narrowed it down to an early bloomer, Akebono, and a later bloomer, Shirofugen). I then called up the local garden center to find out when they would suggest would be the best time to buy and plant a cherry blossom tree (up here, they suggested aiming for around the last week of March, since most of the blooms would be coming out, therefore making it easier to judge which tree was the kind I really wanted).
The weekend before I finally decided on and picked up our tree, I was especially interested in taking a look at every Cherry Blossom tree we passed around the city. When I was out with my daughter, I made her look at every tree with me, and let me know what she thought–I think at various points she was getting rather annoyed with me. These trees outside the mall however, she really liked, so she was happy to oblige when I requested that she go take a closer look at them for a photo.
There are so many different varieties, different colors, different sizes, different shapes, different timing in terms of when they bloom throughout the season…And it was such an interesting concept to me that any person really at any time could decide to plant a tree, which also involved getting to choose what kind of tree, and then within that variety of tree, to actually select one and then dig a hole and plant the tree in its new home.
It was also interesting to me the difference between how I evaluate other trees, and when the time came for me to choose and plant my own, how I evaluate my own tree.
Because the special-ness of other trees really lies entirely on their superficial qualities and how aesthetically pleasing I either do or do not find them to be.
For my own tree, however, because it is the one I have chosen and adopted as my own, I am much more concerned about its well-being, how it’s growing, whether or not it is healthy…and I’m simply so excited about every little sign of health and especially growth — i.e. it’s very first bloom opening up! — that although it pales in comparison to so many other trees in terms of stature and beauty, it has become my very favorite tree in the world now to think about, gaze at and look upon…
This whole experience has left me with reflections on life and relationships, and how being in relationship rightly completely change the parameters by which we might otherwise would judge people and their “worth”…how perhaps what’s really important isn’t all those superficial qualities after all, even if those qualities can rightly be admired and serve as a display of God’s craftmanship for all to see, but that deeper than these things are the qualities that we must train our eyes and our minds to think upon and recognize as valuable in life even more so if we are to experience what is truly valuable in life after all is said and done…the qualities that cause us to be in good relationships, and to be able to choose and celebrate one another –and particularly the ones God places in our lives to go the journey together with — nevermind the flaws and risks we all come with.
It is a perspective-shifting that is helping me to pause each day and reflect on my children, and how I see them and ought best to relate to and treasure them…and also how God must see and desire to relate to myself, and how He must desire for myself to likewise evaluate and relate to myself…
I will close with one of my favorite verses that captures and reminds me constantly of the heart of God and how He sees us and evaluates us, regardless of how the world sees things — He always looks at the heart over and above appearances and the visible physical advantages, both because He can, and because He whose wisdom is far above our wisdom knows what truly matters more:
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lordlooks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV)
Photo of Cherry Blossom trees for sale at the garden center — took me two visit to find, choose and take mine home (along with a scoop of bone meal and bag of mulch):
Photos of the original maple tree, and the awesome arrangement that came about with a lady who needed a maple tree and was willing to come dig it out and take it.
