Olivia’s Prayer
Wednesday was a pretty rainy, gloomy day– so my daughters, Amee in grade 2 and Olivia in Kindergarten, were disappointed as it was also one of their only after-school days where they are free and wanted to do something “fun.”
When the rain did clear up (after our after-school “outing” and as we were driving away from the daycare after picking up my toddler, heading home to figure out dinner), Olivia prayed, “God, please let the rain never come back ever again on the earth. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”
I tried my best to explain to Olivia (and Amee in the back) why it wasn’t a good idea for there to never be any rain… And so Amee prayed, “God, please don’t listen to Olivia’s last prayer” and then Olivia prayed, “God, no do listen to me and please don’t let the rain ever come back ever again on the earth. In Jesus’ name, Amen!” And she explained to me, “The sun makes me so happy, what!?”
This reminded me of my pastor’s sermon this past Sunday on prayer and how he put a new spin to that analogy I had often heard before about some of us learning to pray as though God is a vending machine… or like Santa Clause (neither of which is true, in case that wasn’t clear).
He shared with us how some of us (now that we’re learning prayer is a 2-way conversation and involves listening because God actually desires to speak to us!) approach prayer like ordering at a restaurant. So when he goes to the local steakhouse and orders his steak medium rare, he expects the server to repeat his order back to him, and then to deliver his order accordingly… If his steak should come back medium, it is his right as the paying customer to request that they take it back and bring him one that is cooked medium rare. (You can listen to his full sermon here: Prayer Works.)
But God is not our waiter like at a restaurant…
In light of my little Olivia’s prayer, I proclaimed amusingly, “Thank goodness God does not answer our prayers like a waiter at a restaurant!” and Amee amen’d that =)
While the Bible does teach us to present our requests, make our petitions, to God, to approach boldly and confidently, and to be persistent even*, there is sometimes a misguided expectation that God’s role now is to respond by repeating our orders back to us and then delivering our orders accordingly. Sadly, when this then doesn’t seem to be happening, we can start to feel like God doesn’t hear us after all, or for some reason doesn’t care about us really…or perhaps we must’ve done something wrong so that’s why God does not seem to answer our prayers, and we can go down the “I’m never good enough” route which can take any relationship we thought we were building with God (or anyone) very quickly and surely off-track.
Taking Care of Amee
Which brings me to the in-between “outing” that took place between my picking the girls up from school, and Olivia’s “Rain, rain, go away…forever” prayer.
I think because of my busyness lately, as in I’ve been away almost every evening so my husband has been putting then to bed for about a week now, Amee was particularly feeling sensitive when I didn’t have any set plans for them (in part because yesterday I was still chatting with my friend from out of town who had come to visit me during the day and was still with us at pick-up).
I had thought to myself, too bad there was no sun because then we could easily go to a park/playground, and the girls could play (generally very happily when they are outdoors) while I could continue chatting with my friends. I suggested McDonalds, but Amee reminded me that she already told me a couple weeks ago that she has outgrown McDonald’s indoor playground and it was boring to her now…
I didn’t like the tone Amee was starting to use, however, as she was expressing her unhappiness about not doing something fun on her free afternoon (i.e. “I never get to do anything fun!”), and I proceeded to remind her how I disliked complaining and her attitude and she knew the consequence would be that we would definitely not do anything at all, at which Amee fell silent, looked away and started to whimper more than her usual prolonged pout. Likely I realized because I had done the correcting in front of a guest, and as the guest was still there and I was driving, it wasn’t really an ideal time to talk anything out.
I’ve really been trying to teach her that it’s a very ineffective way to ask for anything because even if I had wanted to comply, if she was complaining then I not only do I stop feeling like doing anything but I can’t actually responsibly give her what she wants because of her complaining. If I did it in the context of complaining, then I would be reinforcing her complaining, and an attitude/posture of complaining — I would be telling her that “complaining is okay” and even that “complaining enough is a good way to get why I want.”
However, as I could tell she was trying her best to stop complaining despite the disappointment and frustration I could also see setting in, I decided against extending the day’s visit with my friend in order to attend to her, regardless of whether it would be a matter of discipline or comforting. I realized yesterday it was important especially for Amee who I know sometimes wrestles with feeling forgotten or not cared for as much as her younger siblings,
As I was dropping a friend off at the Skytrain station, I decided to let them roam the aisles of the nearby Toys r us (really all we had time for before I had to rush across town to pick up my son from daycare in time). Sadly, while my Olivia’s 5-year-old face still lights up at pretty much every toy she sees, Amee is already losing some of that easy-to-impress-ability that is so awesome in childhood. Again, probably in large part too because she was feeling a bit down and sensitive.
I remembered then that last time I had brought her there, although we had left empty-handed, was back in July to see what she could buy with gift cards she had received from her birthday party. We had left empty-handed that time because she discovered that she really really wished she could have a Plasma Car, but the only one available at the time was the floor model, and it was quite dirty and worn…and while it would’ve been a small discount, I figured if we were going to get one, I’d like her to get to choose a new one and in the color she liked best (blue, at the moment). And then the summer got so busy –including the kids being preoccupied with all sorts of different summer activities–that we had all forgotten about it.
When I reminded her of the Plasma Car, then her face lit up again (like there was hope for her to be happy and have this day redeemed), but we couldn’t seem to find them in the store aisles. Hopeful, but also with her reasonableness setting in, she asked me if I could just ask the front desk if they have any, and if not that was okay. So I stood in line to ask and luckily they had a few but in the back, so she had them brought out to the shelves, and Amee got to pick out the blue one, and she sat happily in the back row of the van with her big box next to her as we proceeded to rush across town to pick up their little brother.
As a mom who knows her and loves her, and does want more than anything for her to not only be physically healthy and growing and learning, but also to be happy and full of joy in the process, in the journey that is her life. I want her to know that I really do care about her feelings and not just about her being and acting more mature as I see her able to understand more and more. (She told me last week one day that “it’s hard to be perfect, and I can’t always be perfect, you know” — so early!)
I also want her to always know that not only do I just love her enough to provide for her physical needs or just enough of everything to get by, but that I also am thinking of her and always wanting the very best for her, even above and beyond what I know myself capable of giving (and not just my own ideas of what I would best like to impose upon her, but to discern along the way with her what God has designed her to experience as the very best for her).
Reflections on Prayer
As I am understanding more and more now how God’s heart is toward me is always one of love–love that is supernatural in that it is unconditional, powerful and transformative, and able to follow-through on all its promises–I am also learning from my children what is involved in navigating and growing personally on my side (the receiving end) of this relationship with God.
While God’s love is unconditional, and He has promised to always be there, and to always both hear and answer my prayers. So I may ask anything that I want–and He will always hear and answer.
However, sometimes–for my and this world’s own good–His answer will be “no,” such as prayers for there to never ever be anymore rain on this earth…
And, sometimes, His answer will be delayed because there is a heart issue that first needs to be addressed, as much as He is figuratively dying to bless us everyday (afterall, He was willing to literally die on the Cross as His first and ultimate act to reconcile our imperfect selves in with His perfection). And when there is a heart issue that needs to be addressed, it’s not so much about something being “wrong” with me and I need to strive to be more perfect, BUT rather it is a matter of building and increasing and establishing trust between me and Him.
(Simillarly, when any of my children are complaining, my concern is only partly about wanting their behavior to change so that they are acting more “properly”–a bigger concern is that they understand more that when they are speaking to me, they remember and acknowledge that they are speaking to someone whose primary concern is for them, not against them…that they don’t need to whine or complain or try to manipulate me to get what their hearts desire, because I, as a mom who loves them just because they are my children, already desire to fulfill their hearts’ desires and bless them beyond their wildest dreams.)
Or for reasons we may not necessarily be able to understand at the time, His answer will be delayed because the right season or His perfect timing simply has not come yet, but no worries, because He has so much planned for us in the meantime.
The important thing I think is to understand that none of these answers/responses (“no” or “wait” or “maybe, but not yet…we will see”) which we perhaps were not wanting to receive is not then some indication of God not being there for us or not loving us.
Some Passages to Read on Prayer:
Jesus’ Teaching on Prayer: Luke 11:1-13 (also found in Matthew 6:5-14)