It’s odd to me that April 1st will forever now for me be the day that my family and I so wish everything that happened on this day could be so easily taken back by saying that saying we say on this date to take back our schemes to infuse some irony or laughter into our lives…
For me, this will forever be the day that that my baby brother left this world for the next, suddenly, unexpectedly…most definitely prematurely in that it just seemed too soon at the age of 26.
It will also be a day however that I may remember the loving, fun, naturally good, diligent and steadfast, strong young man that he was, and that’s how he will forever be remembered by so many people who knew and loved him.
It will also be one of my biggest “wake up call” days…when “Carpe Diem” became more than just a nice sentiment or saying, when reality hit home and deep, that we never truly know how long we or our loved ones have down here, even the seemingly strongest of us all. And when I think, even for those of us that have that privilege of living a full-term life, for all my family and friends whom I’ve witnessed lose a beloved grandparent/parent, life is still way too short, if the meaning/value of life is in any way measured by or dependent upon length of existence…
It’s a day the tensions of life must be reckoned with, wrestled through — in particular how nothing is more powerful and worth investing in than love and our most treasured relationships, and yet the more you love someone, the more you risk hurting when things go awry…and even when things go so well, it hurts all the more inevitably at some point because on this side of Heaven we are all mortal.
It’s a day that I think fondly, however, of Tim, in light of all this reality, and how he had lived with no regrets, taking each day in stride, not worried about measuring up to all the varied external pressures and expectations from the world that we are so prone to unconsciously internalize, and yet also not checking out from life in any way, but going after wholeheartedly the things on his own heart, the things placed before him life, sifting out the bad from the good, but not making the prevalent mistake of trading in what is good to him–what he would like to pursue with his time and energy and resources out of all the varied things out there we could choose to pursue–for what someone else would say is good or others say should be good for him…
He seemed to know how to keep things simple, for the most part. And he lived admirably in so many of the ways that seem to really count at the end of the day, at the end of a life…
So thank you Timmy, for your forever impact on me as your sister — I have been and will forever be changed for the better because of you, both in life and in death.
Because of you, I am learning (and continuing to learn) how to enjoy life and love and all the things we can do (or can choose not to do), to have the wisdom (and conviction) to jump off any unhealthy treadmill ways of life, such as patterns motivated by fear or of trying to somehow justify my worth if/when I get in a rut of never feeling good enough and thinking I need to take on more than I can comfortably take on because somehow in my mind that became mistaken for being hardworking….just to name some of my unhealthy treadmill ways of life tendencies I’m happily getting much better at identifying, correcting and redirecting…
I am learning what it really means to “make the most of every opportunity” take the time to reflect on what it means to “make the most” based on what we use to measure value in life…and to adjust how I schedule and strive accordingly:
“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)
While nothing will ever make your absence here with us, your family and friends, “okay”– and if there were anything we could do to bring you back so that we and the world could enjoy the 70-80 years we’re missing out us, we would do it in a heartbeat — we will not let the sting of death or despair win out over the lessons and legacy of good and living well you have imparted to us. So when I/we think of you, and remember you, and commemorate you on the anniversaries of your departure (and birthdays…and really, everyday in between), may we always celebrate your life by remembering and celebrating the good that your life has brought and infused into our lives, and seek to preserve and live that good out…
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)
We love you Timmy, and thank you for the years that you gave us, that God gave us with you!