“Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see”

We had baptisms at Church service today, before which each person getting baptized shared their testimonies. It was the first time we had teenagers (3 of them) getting baptized in our Church, one of which was the pastor’s son, and two who were children of members of our weekly community group that has been together for about 3 years up until last Wednesday (which was our last CG).

There were also two young women whom I’ve heard of indirectly but never actually met personally whose testimonies especially touched by heart, because they reminded me of where I came from in terms of coming from broken homes and growing up with immense inner pain that made it difficult to really be happy to be alive, to the point that they too had attempted suicide and/or wished a long time for death…

But encountering God’s very real presence and powerful, unconditional love, brought them life and peace and purpose and HOPE… God found them, and met their needs in the way that only He can, leading them into New Joy where before there was no joy 🙂

I remember way back when (it has been about 20 years now since I became a born-again Christian after my own suicide attempt as a teen), feeling like although so much of my heart and my “self” was still such a mess, God had reached His hand out to take my small hand in His, and promised to take care of me and teach me anything and everything I would ever “need” in His perfect timing and leading…

And all I needed to do was trust Him, to trust that He knows best, that He is capable (and all-powerful), and that He is truly there for me and will always be there with me, through thick and thin… that even when I doubt and struggle to trust, struggle to believe, agree and/or obey, that even then — no, especially then– He would always prove faithful and strong to love me and help me and hold on to me.

Although the entering in of hope that I had not otherwise had was instant, the growing (or sanctification) out of my “old ways” of thinking and feeling and relating was definitely neither quick nor easy…

But God has truly been faithful to each and every one of His promises to me, especially that of making me new — of first and foremost renewing my soul, my mind, and my heart, and from there also my life and my relationships 🙂

He remakes me/us from the inside out, because He cares so much more about our hearts than our outward appearances. Because He is God, because He is perfect and He is love, He has no interest in demanding that we “look good” just to make Him look good regardless of how we are doing or how we feel… But He has full intention and abilityto make us truly good, both inside and out.

I feel like I still have a long way to go in terms of developing and polishing my ability to communicate what God has done in my life to the world, but I am inspired today to keep at it, to not forget that the dark places I came from still torment far too many people — all of whom are people God loves so dearly and longs to set free, because He created each and every one, and He alone knows how and can make them whole again just as He has been faithful and able to do for me….