We learn in Luke 18:27 from Jesus that,“What is impossible with man is possible with God.” While this passage isn’t specifically talking about time (but about the possibility of salvation for seemingly impossible people groups), God has been challenging me this season to really believe Him for the “supernatural time” I feel I need in order to live a life where I’m able to be available to be impacting people, helping people, and also seeking to grow in and go after dreams that have yet to be realized…all somehow on top of this seemingly all-energy-and-time-consuming role as a mom of 3 kids that began just over six years ago…. That what is impossible with myself as a human being time- and energy- wise, is somehow and most certainly possible with God.

This past September was a balancing act of schedules (3 kids + mine + Ivan’s) unlike any month I have yet experienced–that I can recall anyhow… And perhaps the impact of carting my kids (+ their various friends on various days) around for school and after-school lessons and playdates was extra-felt as a result of following straight after my first week of no kids, no responsibilities, no worries (not even about driving or eating) with my husband on our anniversary cruise.

More than ever, I have felt God asking me, do you Trust me with your time?  With your schedule?  Do you Trust that I will help you to be able to take care of all the things that I have entrusted to your care?  All the things I have placed upon your heart, for your own life, for your husband and your marriage, and now for the lives of your 3 young, growing children as well?  And on top of this, that there will be enough for your growing vision for your own life to impact the world, for the Church and the ministry passions I’m awakening in you, and for your treasured friendships near and far, for your extended family, and for your developing friendships, in Church, at school, neighborhood, and beyond?

When I am unsure, when that voice in my head tries going on repeat, “This is too much…there is too much going on…too many people you have let into your life, into your heart…and you still haven’t done this or spent time with this person or figured out that etc. etc.” then panic starts to set in, and then, if I am not quick enough to rebuke that panic from setting in, the worst possible circumstance begins to arise — pain and fatigue in my body.  And that, of course, leads to more panic, cause it definitely does not help my cause…  (Sometimes though, that`s the only way I am finally forced to sit and be quiet…to be still, and to let God begin to remind me of who He is and who He has always been, and who He will always be in my life…)

Not that October promises to be any slower as of yet (add home renovations to a recently acquired investment property that needs to be ready for tenants by November 1st), but I feel like a few themes God has been whispering in my ear have begun to take root in my heart, and that peace from God which transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7) has been able to find a landing strip in my heart, mind and spirit more and more often throughout each day, when that panic starts trying to rise up and take over.

I will attempt to share some of my thoughts about these major themes that hopefully can be reminders for all of us in our busy seasons:

(1) Do not allow anxiousness and fear to take over…Be thankful that at the end of the day, God has GOT you!

My pastor has been reminding us this year that God has got this — that in the end, He gets the final say, and good will conquer evil, and His love will cover over all our sins and shortcomings, and He will take care of us and help us face and get through whatever trials we may face…

Whenever I give in to anxiousness and fear for my life, fear of failure, or not being good enough, I am negating and arguing against the truths God speaks over me and my life — that I cannot ultimately fail because God already loves me for who I am (He ordained and created me after all!) and He has promised that He will help me to accomplish whatever it is He calls me to do…and that any “little” seemingly failures along the way are all things He can and will somehow use as learning experiences and/or stories He can turn around into testimonies of perseverance and overcoming:  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

I think this is why Paul reminds God’s people in Philippians to rejoice in the Lord, to remember God is close to us, God is here…and to remember that not only is God here, but He loves us.  As my pastor likes to put it, God is “SMILING” at us…because He loves us so much:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“  Philippians 4:4-7

Personally, because I’ve been at that rock bottom place before, it actually helps me to remember that even when I was at my lowest of lows, so ready to give up on my life and just hoping for so long that it could just end, God and His Love for me were strong enough to reach me and carry me through (and even managed to empower me to do some good along the way…)…

How much more then, now, is God able to carry me through any and all life challenges I invite in, not out of a helpless, defenseless state, but living out of conviction of wanting to be able to do more and take on more…to make more of an impact for good, bringing more of Heaven down into the midst of people He loves and longs to care for…

Honestly, it has been those days and weeks where I’ve been able to focus a little bit less on my own attempts to schedule and keep everything manageable and controlled, and more just on what God seems to be wanting me to do or try—things He seems to be stirring in my heart, doors He seems to be opening and inviting me to step through… that I find myself surprisingly more productive and yet also just as or even more rested and energized at the end of the day.

(2) Do not entertain and speak the idea, “I don’t have enough time”…

Interestingly enough, this challenge was presented to me through listening to a short audiobook on teaching children about money (“Teaching Your Children About Money”, by Deaver Brown), as the author was sharing last tidbits of wisdom he wanted to pass on to hopefully raise up a young generation with perspectives and work ethic that set them up to succeed.

He basically was saying, don’t be that person that always says, “I’m too stressed out” (sounds way too familiar to me…), or “I’ve already got too much to do,” or “This is too much work,” especially in the context of a workplace. Because then your boss, co-workers, friends, family…will not be able to see potential in you to increase and advance, or to be a candidate for promotion if/when-ever that opportunity would arise. Chances significantly decrease that when something exciting comes up, you would be a person people think of to ask…

More significantly, I think, is that this may prevent even ourselves from seeing us as people of potential… It is like speaking a word curse of “I don’t have enough time….I can’t handle things, never mind anything more, with the 24 hours 7 days a week schedule God allots to all of us”…we speak this lie to ourselves, over ourselves, and against ourselves, that sets us up to not be able to advance and progress…

And this really hampers our ability to dream of moving forward and upward… which I think cuts us off from what HOPE for a better future, for a life that we can look forward to seeing unfold…which makes us prone to more anxiety and even depression (lack of hope = despair), which can result in all sorts of emotional and physical ailments, or perhaps at least some time-draining habits of withdrawl to set in (tv? video games? sleeping the day away?) that really are not productive for helping to make our situation any better at all…

I don’t think this means not respecting our personal boundaries of what we can and cannot do, but more of a tweaking of our perspectives and attitudes.  In order to say strong “yes’s,” we have to be comfortable and confident to say good “no’s”…However, I think a challenge for me is to remember the “why” and “how” I say my “no’s” — that I don’t need to defend myself from being obligated to say yes by shouting at the world I am overwhelmed, but that I have every right to say “yes” only to the things I really want to say “yes” to.

Also, that it is perfectly reasonable to insist on my right to “manage” my own time and energy according to what I feel comfortable with, based on my personal assessment of my ability and desires at the given time (only I know the whole picture of what is already on the plate of my life)…

Practically, I am applying this principle to my life by trying to really think through things I say “yes” and “no” to. Also, instead of letting myself fret for too long over not feeling like I have enough time to do what I want or feel I need to do, I have also given myself permission to say “yes” to things on a qualified/delayed status — i.e. “Yes, I want to do that, but I will not be able to do that until the beginning of next month.  Is that time table okay with you?”

(3) “Schedule” such that I leave ROOM to be the type of person I want to be…

I am recalling themes like, “Tyranny of the Urgent,” and that famous time management illustration of putting the big rocks in the jar before adding the smaller rocks, then the pebbles, then the water (versus if you put in the water first, there would be no room for any sand or pebbles or smaller rocks, nevermind any big rocks).

But instead of the big rocks just being about big projects and tasks that I want to someday accomplish, I’m realizing that these big rocks that are essential to my happiness, wholeness and well-being have more to do with who I want to be than what I want to do.

For example, I want to be a person who is full of peace, confidence, joy…and the ability to love, take notice of and care for people God puts in my life.

I want to be a mom who is not always stressed out, and who actually enjoys getting the amazing privilege of caring for and raising and shaping my young children; a wife who is not always too worn out at the end of the day to really want to and be able to talk to and take notice of and spend quality bonding time with my husband, even during the busiest of seasons.  I want to be a friend who isn’t too busy to stay connected, to be there to celebrate and mourn both big and little things…to mutually give to and receive support  from one another, so we are stronger and able to go further in our life pursuits than we ever could on our own…

I want to be the type of person that really, seriously, honestly enjoys life for all of its complexities, who isn’t emotionally derailed when something doesn’t go as planned (or as it often can go that when one thing goes wrong, many things go wrong all at once), and who doesn’t let “life” feel like an obligation and “all work, no play” because I’m learning to schedule in a way that honors how God has created me uniquely to thrive in life…

And, over all this at the end of the day, I want to be a person of grace, of BIG grace for myself when I find I am falling short of all of my countless ideals, and as an overflow of this grace I allow myself to really take hold of and grasp onto, a person with big grace for all people…at all times.  More and more naturally so…because the big Truth is that we all fall short, and are all saved by grace (“…For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24)

How I do this, I haven’t completely figured out.  I know a big part of it is just really taking the time and investing as necessary to know my own heart and articulate what it is I want, how I want to be, so that I can give myself permission—even assignments and commands—to take care of myself and my own heart, and not letting myself get swallowed up by too many urgent things on my tasklist each day.  So I can know what’s going on inside me so I can effectively, honestly and vulnerably communicate with those people closest to me, letting them help me when I need help, and letting them love me for who I really am, not some superwoman version of myself I sometimes think I need to strive to be in order to be acceptable.