“Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Last Friday morning was my turn to attend the “Mother’s Day Tea” for my eldest daughter in grade 1. Her school has what I think is a lovely tradition of honoring grandparents in Kindergarten, moms in grade 1, and dads in grade 2. This year was my turn =).
My daughter’s class sang some songs to us about what makes us as moms special to them, and how they hope for us to feel blessed. They also of course created art for us, but this year it also included a personal love letter written by them to us, as they are now able to write and spell–the teachers had our children sit on our laps to read their love letters to us, and then also pray a blessing for us individually. My daughter prayed that I would really know how much my I am “loved” by my family–she knows me and my heart well, more than I think she could possibly be aware at the age of 6 1/2, as this is a message God has really been pressing on my heart all these years…
Our teachers (my daughter’s class is a job-share, where one teacher is there 4 days a week, and one teacher is there every Wednesday) also shared a bit of encouragement (and “teaching”) for us moms, from themselves as both teachers of our children and moms themselves, including the above proverb as a guiding verse.
They reminded us that our children are like “precious jewels” God has gifted to us, as well as entrusted to us, because He trusts us with them — He created us such that each of us is most perfectly suited to provide a mother’s love, care and instruction to our children, as unique and multi-faceted each child is.
They also reminded us that sometimes over-busyness can become a “distraction” such that we are no longer able to really enjoy our children, or our privileged “job” as moms — and that this can be a tactic of the enemy to distract us (as well as our children) from being able to live life to the full in the true sense that God had meant for us.
When family life no longer feels like a blessing, or feels like “too much” — the enemy can trick us and our children into thinking a “full” life really isn’t all that much fun after all. When we are overly busy doing things and there is no real time to “be together” in ways where we are actually enjoying being together and having this privilege of family life, we can so easily fall into deception that life in relationships is more about busyness and duty and accomplishing whatever goals we think must be accomplished.
When too many things must be prioritized over our sense of happiness, our feelings, and our well-being (both our own and that of our children…and really any and all people in all relationships), we can so quickly fall into that trap of thinking we really are more valued for what we do than who we are.
And this, I believe, seems to be the root of so much out-of-whack-ness that I see more and more in my personal life, as well as all around me these days in my community, in my city, in this world…
I used to read “the way we should go” as referring to a destination that we are all supposed to aim for and strive to reach, even if it means frantic striving that requires beating my body and feelings into submission for the cause of reaching whatever goals seem necessary to achieve a “good” life that my parents or society would approve (“good” as in looks and sounds good, versus necessarily being truly good in a deeper sense).
I used to think there is always some ideal out there that we are supposed to “reach” or figure out how to conform ourselves to in order to be acceptable. Whether it has to do with body and image, schooling, career, possessions, family life expectations, etc. Even in church/spiritual life, this verse can easily be interpreted in religious terms, a striving after moral perfection in order to try and make ourselves fit for Heaven, even though the basis of our Christian faith is that religious striving for moral perfection as human beings is futile (and thus our need for God’s grace to provide the way!).
I realize more and more now, however that “the way we should go” has a double meaning, which are interconnected and necessary for understanding exactly what we “should” be aiming for, and how we therefore should be training ourselves and our children up.
There is a way we should go in terms of certain paths to choose from that lead to different destinations–there is a “where” we will be going to depending on “which way” we go.
But there is also a way we should go in terms of “how” we are doing the “going.”
There is a way of righteousness as well as its opposite (not in the legalistic sense — but in the sense that our God-given built-in consciences know there is a “right” versus “wrong,” there is a “good” versus “evil,” a “wise” versus “foolish,” a “constructive” versus “destructive” approach to life), and as human beings with free will, we get to choose every day, every moment how and in what direction we want our hearts to be bent. And one way leads to Heaven, while the other is a path away from Heaven-like-ness.
There is also a way we should go in terms of sometimes what serves our more immediate gratification does not serve long term prosperity. There is a need for wisdom and discernment, and an understanding of what comes in later stages of life that children must rely on their parents’ experience and guidance to provide.
I am learning this year the importance of JOY and walking each day of my life in joy, peace, contentment…for my own sake as much as it is for the sake of those whom I walk with (my husband, children, family, friends, community…). That if there is no joy in my step, and rather I allow stress and frustration with myself and with my life to seep in and and take over, then there is something fundamentally wrong with the “way” I am going, regardless of what good deeds or admirable achievements I’m striving after.
The way in which we walk out each day communicates to our own hearts what our own lives looks like (“this is my lot in life…”), and sets the stage for our expectations of each future day, whether or not there will be joy that’s worth the pain and sweat of living.
The way in which we walk also models to the next generation what “grown-up adult life” looks like, and whether or not it is something to look forward to, something worth investing effort into building–our actions speak louder than our words.
If the “right” way involves not only living a righteous life that leaves a positive impact all around and is able to reap the benefits of self-discipline and long-term goals, but is also full of joy and love and life to the full all along the way, then certainly our children would have been trained in a way of living both their minds and hearts would think is crazy to turn away from, whether young or old.
Anyhow, if there’s such a thing as Mother’s Day Resolutions, mine this year will be to be more mindful of the “how” I walk–with my children and personally–while not neglecting the importance of the “where” we are going, but understanding that how we go about the journey and making the most of each moment getting there is every bit as significant as reaching the destination.